i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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