I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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