At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night