Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.