The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.