That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.