I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.