im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.