She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.