goodnight i made you a song goodbye
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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