I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
