someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
