At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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