oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
God, I missed his penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
