She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
