saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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