12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
