i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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