My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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