Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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