I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
