You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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