and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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