You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
that may or may not have been my penis.
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