He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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