She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
