All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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