I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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