I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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