atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
