Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
