do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
