dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
