ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
