So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
