you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize