i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
