Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
