420 ftw
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
