dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
