she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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