Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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