plz talk dirty to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
