she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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