My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
