Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I understand Curling. That high.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize