Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You made out with two different species that night
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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