I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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