Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
