Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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