i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
