Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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