I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
