And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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