how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
