I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize