Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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