Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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