Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
