you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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