there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
