My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
