Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
