There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
