I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
