eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
