Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
