I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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